Plot Twist
The fic that would not die

THE BIG FAT AUTHOR'S NOTE, ALREADY WRITTEN IN SOME SORT OF MUTATED PAST-TENSE:

Okay, here it is. Another scary fic by me, MG: the girl who was not a fic writer but just happened to write a fic that one time. In a time-honored authorial tradition, I will now tell you about the trials & tribulations of writing this.

The first major hurdle was the fact that this story involves a setting taken directly from the style of Chuck E. Cheese's restaurants. Those are plentiful down here in the good ol' U.S. of A., but I wasn't sure about Canada. And I didn't want this to be a lousy read for the many Canadian ReBoot fans (not that it won't be anyway). So I conducted extensive research, which led me to discover that there are in fact at least four Chuck E. Cheese's in Canada. I even have addresses. So Canadians, if you have no idea what's going on in this story, you can go. Americans-- you've seen the Chuck E. Cheese's ads on TV. And if you haven't, don't even try to tell me you're an American. Because I won't believe you.

And as for the rest of you-- who cares? Okay. That was mean. I shouldn't have said that. Those of you in Chile and Guatemala also have Chuck E. Cheese's, and you might just get this story too. But the rest of the world? You have my sympathy, as this story is surely much worse if you've never seen anything even remotely like a Chuck E. Cheese's. Then again, no Chuck E. Cheese? Maybe you're much better off... But I'm sure you can figure this all out, more or less.

Oh, and there were other major hurdles, too. But I got lazy and didn't feel like jumping them. So I just had Matrix blow 'em up. On with the fic.

*~*~*~*~*

[A blindfolded Enzo is in the back seat of Bob's car. Bob's driving, and Dot's sitting next to him.]
Dot: I can't believe you got your car working, Bob!
Bob: [leaning toward Dot and whispering so Enzo won't hear] I can't believe that we're taking Enzo to [shuddering slightly] Null E. Nibble's for his first birthday. When Matrix had his first birthday you made such a big deal of it with the talent show and everything...
Dot: Look, Enzo doesn't know what a fuss we made over Matrix's birthday party. And what Enzo doesn't know won't hurt him.
Bob: [trying to keep his voice down] How can you say that when you already told Enzo about how Matrix was lost in the games and became a bitter psycho? And then you told Enzo he was probably doomed to repeat the same sequence of events! That had him locked in his room crying for seconds!
Dot: [sighing] Fine, I admit it, okay? I just don't feel like planning a big party this year. That lousy talent show practically gave me an ulcer. You're the one who's always trying to get me to relax...
Bob: [gravely] But they have singing robots, Dot. Singing robots.
Dot: Oh, like that's so different from Megabyte playing a guitar.
Bob: But--
Dot: [as the restaurant comes into view] Too late, Bob. We're here.
[Bob parks the car. Dot leads Enzo up to the Null E. Nibble's entrance where Matrix, AndrAIa, Phong, Mouse, Hack, and Slash are waiting.]
Dot: Okay, Enzo, you can look now!
Enzo: [pulling off the blindfold] Null E. Nibble's?
Bob: [running up just in time to catch Enzo's reaction] See, Dot? I told you he'd be disapp--
Enzo: Alphanumeric! Pixelacious! [He eagerly runs inside.]
Bob: Oh. Okay then. [He looks around.] But why isn't Ray here? Or Hex?
[Matrix and Dot shoot each other a nervous glance.]
Dot: [hastily] Their invitations must have been lost in the mail.
Matrix: [at the same time] I think Frisket ate their invitations.
AndrAIa: [raising an eyebrow] Well? Which is it?
Matrix: [hastily] What she said.
Dot: [at the same time] What he said.
[Dot and Matrix shoot each other another nervous glance.]
Matrix: Let's just go inside.
Dot: Yes. Good plan.
[They both rush into the restaurant.]
Hack: Boy, those two were confusing!
Slash: Yes. They must get on people's nerves when they talk like that.
[The rest of the group goes inside, too.]

*~*~*~*~*

[Inside. The noise from games, screaming binome children, and the *shudder* singing dining room robots fills the restaurant. Bob has caught up with Dot and Matrix.]
Bob: So... what do we do now?
Matrix: WHAT? I can't hear you! It's too loud in here!
Bob: I SAID-- oh, just forget it.
[Enzo runs up, acting even more hyper than usual. (Is that possible? Apparently.) He has a cup of soda in hand.]
Enzo: HiDot!HiBob!HiMatrix!Donchajustlovethisplace?Thisisthebestbirthdayever!
[Enzo runs off toward the climbing tubes.]
Dot: Oh no!
Bob: What's wrong?
Dot: Enzo has a cup!
Bob: So?
Dot: If you have a Null E. Nibble's cup, you can get unlimited free refills on soda.
Bob: Enzo with unrestricted access to caffeine and sugar? This is bad. Very bad.
Dot: [annoyed] Oh, sure. You can say that, blue boy, but he's not going back to your apartment tonight, is he? I'm the one who has to deal with him. So what I want to know is-- WHO GAVE ENZO THE CUP?!?!
Matrix: Okay, I heard that.
Bob: How could you not?
Dot: WILL SOMEBODY JUST DO SOMETHING TO STOP ENZO?!
Matrix: Don't worry, Sis. I'll go get him.
[Matrix runs off after Enzo.]
Bob: Dot, I think it probably is a good thing you didn't plan a big birthday party after all. You need to relax even more than I thought. Why don't we go play some games?

*~*~*~*~*

[The game room. The lights. The sound. The horror.]
Bob: Here, try playing a round of Skee-Ball.
Dot: "Skee-Ball"? That doesn't sound right...
Bob: Oops. You're right. Hmm... "Cyber-Skee-Ball"?
[Dot sighs and shakes her head, mumbling something about "unprofessional behavior."]
Bob: I say it's good enough. Let's just keep going. [He clears his throat and continues a little more loudly.] Just try playing the game, Dot. You can even get tickets for prizes. It'll be fun!
Dot: Fine. Whatever.
[Dot rolls a ball up the Cyber-Skee-Ball ramp, and gets 10 points. The machine spits out a prize ticket.]
Dot: Yeah, that was thrilling.
Bob: But at least you're not stressed out.
Dot: I suppose...
Bob: See? Fun!
Dot: [raising an eyebrow at Bob] What is with you?
Bob: [shrugging] I don't know, I just like Ske... Er, Cyber-Skee-Ball. We used to play it all the time in the Super Computer. Actually, Mouse was always pretty good at it. Look.
[Bob points across the room to Mouse, who's holding several hundred prize tickets. Mouse sees them, and waves. Bob waves back.]
Dot: What? We've only been here a few nanos-- how can she already have that many tickets?
Bob: Like I said, she's just good at the game. Don't worry, though. You'll get the hang of it, too. I bet she could even give you a few pointers if you'd like.
Dot: [tightly clutching her single prize ticket, and narrowing her eyes at Mouse] She's going down.
Bob: Oh no. Please don't do this, Dot.
Dot: [innocently] Do what? I'm not doing anything. Now go get me some more game tokens. I've got to prepare a strategy...
Bob: [pleadingly] Dot, this isn't a competition. It's just a silly kids' game.
Dot: TOKENS! NOW!
Bob: [scared] Yes, ma'am.

*~*~*~*~*

[Phong and Hack are sitting at a table in the dining room.]
Phong: How does Slash know that singing robot?
Hack: They used to date.
[Slash rolls up to the table and sits down.]
Hack: Well?
Slash: She's seeing the robotic ukulele player now.
Hack: Oh.
[There is a long pause.]
Hack: So... What did you get Enzo for his birthday, Phong?
Phong: [opening his drawer and taking out a wrapped gift box] I got Enzo a pair of... A pair of... Hmm... What were they again?
Hack: Pants?
Phong: No...
Hack: Socks?
Phong: No...
Hack: Aces?
Phong: No, that's not it either.
Slash: [suddenly bursting into tears] She's too good for him!
Phong: Oh, dear...

*~*~*~*~*

[Mouse walks up to Bob, who is standing by himself in the game room.]
Mouse: Hey, Bob. I would've thought you'd be playing games.
Bob: I promised I'd wait for Dot to get back.
Mouse: Back from where?
Bob: She's off completing a hostile takeover of the restaurant. When she wasn't winning prize tickets fast enough, Dot figured she'd just buy the whole place-- tickets and all.
Mouse: Well, that's something of an overreaction.
Bob: [rolling his eyes] You're telling me. She just needed a little more practice. I told her you could give her some tips on getting tickets.
Mouse: Of course I could. It's actually pretty easy! You just go like this--
[Mouse turns to a nearby Whack-A-Null game, and gives it a swift kick. The front control panel falls off, and prize tickets come spewing out.]
Mouse: See? Simple.
Bob: That's how you always won these games?
Mouse: Yep.
Bob: But-- that's cheating! It's so unlike you!
Mouse: Bob, I'm a hacker. You've arrested me on several occasions.
Bob: Oh... right. Just don't tell Dot about this or she'll kill me. And I don't even want to know how you got me that teddy bear at the Academy fundraiser carnival.
[Dot comes back, and is now wearing a Null E. Nibble's Manager pin.]
Dot: Okay, the contracts are all signed. Let's finish this party-- I'm thinking of having a game cube drop on this place to level it.
Bob: Uh, Dot? You don't control the game cubes.
Dot: Not yet I don't. But soon... Very soon.
[Bob and Mouse exchange a worried glance.]
Mouse: Maybe we should be getting you home. Where's Enzo?
Bob: I guess Matrix never found him.
Dot: I know what'll lure him to us. [She opens a VidWindow to the kitchen.] Initiate Operation Buttercream-- now!

*~*~*~*~*

[Dot, Bob, and Mouse enter the dining room. They see Phong and Hack trying to comfort Slash.]
Mouse: What happened here?
Phong: Apparently a singing robot broke his heart.
[Mouse raises an eyebrow at Phong.]
Phong: Oh, for User's sake! Not me! One of those singing robots! [He points at the stage.]
Bob: Evil singing robots breaking Slash's heart? I don't thi--
Mouse: [sighing] Again with the "I don't think so"? We all know you hate the Null E. Nibble's robots, but this is between Slash and them. Why don't you just leave it alone?
Bob: Because... Because Guardian Protocol says I have to blow them up?
Mouse: Oh, it does not.
[Bob takes out a copy of the guardian handbook, and hands it to Mouse.]
Bob: Page 106.
Mouse: [flipping through the book] "Baby showers"... "Balding"... "Bee stings"... Ah, here it is: "Blowing stuff up." Well, what do you know! It does say you have to blow them up.
Bob: Told you.
Mouse: [shrugging] Go for it.
Bob: Yay!
[Bob sends a beam of light blasting from his palms to the stage. There is an explosion, and robot parts rain down across the dining room.]
Slash: Eep!
Phong: So much for him being a calming influence on Matrix...
Dot: Quiet, everyone! My plan is going into action.
[Across the dining room, a guy in a giant null costume has appeared.]
Mouse: That's your plan to find Enzo?
[A waiter waddles in with a large birthday cake. He places it on a table next to the "null," then runs for cover.]
Dot: No, that is.
Mouse: [catching on] Ohhh. Good plan.
Enzo: [entering the dining room, his right eye twitching slightly] Ismellfrosting!Hey!Agiantmagicalnullbroughtmecake!Whoohoo!Alphanumeric!
[Enzo bolts across the dining room at top speed, knocking over tables and chairs as he goes. He tackles the "null," causing it to tip over. The costume's head flies off, revealing...]

*~*~*~*~*

MG: Cut!
[MG runs on to the set. Everyone stops what they're doing and instead gather around to watch Megabyte crawl out of the overturned null suit.]
MG: Megabyte!
Megabyte: [exasperated] Oh, what now?
MG: I told you that you needed to keep the costume on if you were going to play this part.
Megabyte: Well, maybe if the kid didn't have to knock me over--
Enzo: Hey, that's my bit. It's what I do.
MG: Sorry, Megs, but he's right. Slapstick gags have priority over wardrobe issues. If you don't want to be bowled over when Enzo runs at you, the best I can do is change the script so you jump out of the way just before he hits you.
Enzo: Hey, yeah! Then I could do the old "headfirst into the birthday cake" routine!
Phong: I said that earlier. Twice! Didn't anybody hear me when I suggested that at the story meeting?
MG: [sighing] Look, Phong, I already explained that if you want the "co-writer" credit, you need to start putting your ideas in memos. I can't remember every little--
Megabyte: Excuse me? I believe we were supposed to be dealing with my problem now.
MG: I told you--
Phong: Ahem.
MG: Fine, Phong told you. Jump out of the way, and Enzo will hit the cake. It's not as true to the series, but the frosting will make it work.
Megabyte: That's ridiculous! Look at this costume. If nulls don't have any limbs, how am I supposed to move? It took four crewmembers and a wheelbarrow just to get me on set.
Bob: Maybe if you sort-of wiggled like this-- [He begins to demonstrate.]
Dot: [shaking her head sadly] Bob, stop helping.
MG: We've been over this and over this, Megabyte. If you want to be in this fic, you have to wear the costume. It's not like I can just have you sitting at a table in the background eating pizza!
Megabyte: You let Daemon do that.
MG: Nobody's seen her yet, so that doesn't count. Everyone's seen you, and as far as they're concerned you're lost in the Web. I can't write stories with you as the star until you officially get back to Mainframe.
Megabyte: You wrote stories for Bob while he was lost in the Web.
MG: Well...
Megabyte: Come to think of it, you also wrote him a poem.
MG: [turning a little red] Um...
Bob: Two poems.
Megabyte: Pardon?
Bob: [counting on his fingers, then nodding] I have two poems. They rhyme!
MG: Bob, stop helping!
Dot: No, wait-- why does Bob get two poems when the rest of us don't have any?
Bob: Three poems if you count "Bobberwocky."
Mouse: It's favoritism, pure and simple.
Bob: I'm also mentioned in six of the haikus.
Megabyte: We're in here doing our best work, and we have an author who pays more attention to the bloody cameo penguin than the rest of us put together!
MG: Well, what do you want me to do? Write a worshipful rhyming poem for each of you?
Megabyte: Actually--
Dot: Yes.
Megabyte: The sooner, the better.
MG: That's crazy! We have a perfectly good story we can finish right now-- why should I stop and write poems?
Dot: Because if you don't, we're on strike. Come on, Enzo. We're leaving.
Enzo: Does this mean I can't have any more soda?
Dot: We'll talk about that later.
Phong: What about AndrAIa?
Mouse: She snuck out to get her nails done sometime after the second "*~*~*~*~*." I'll go find her, and then we'll meet the rest of you in the conference room.
[Megabyte, Dot, Enzo, Phong, and Mouse exit the Null E. Nibble's set. Hack and Slash look bewildered for a moment, but they follow the others out.]
MG: Actors! Who needs 'em?
[Matrix jogs up. He has a piece of half-melted plastic cylinder around his waist.]
Matrix: I got stuck in the climbing tubes. What's going on?
Bob: I guess we're on strike.
Matrix: Wow. Really? Whose idea was that?
Bob: Megabyte and Dot's.
MG: You know, those two really have a lot in common. I wonder if they used to date... Hey, that'd make a good fic!
[Bob and Matrix glare at MG.]
MG: What? What? I was kidding!
[The two sprites storm off.]
MG: Oh, now you're both mad at me too? Great.
[MG sits down in her director's chair on the empty set.]
MG: I bet the cast of Scooby Doo isn't nearly this moody.

*~*~*~*~*

[The conference room, where the striking cast has reassembled. Hexadecimal and Ray have joined them.]
Ray: Poems? We're on strike for poems?
Dot: It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I guess we really should have demanded more...
Enzo: I want a story where I get my own girlfriend!
Matrix: I want a story where I get in a fistfight with Bob!
Hexadecimal: I want a pony!
Dot: Uh... Or poems. Poems work.
AndrAIa: What makes her think we'd come crawling back, poems or not? It's not like we need her fics.
Megabyte: My thoughts exactly. You know, I'm very popular with the alternate reality writers.
Mouse: I've been in three alternate reality stories just this cycle! Not to mention the crossovers...
Bob: Oh, please. Don't get me started. I'm sure we could survive on crossovers alone! I just finished a crossover with Beast Wars this morning.
Matrix: And there's always Star Trek.
Megabyte: And Star Wars.
AndrAIa: Sailor Moon.
Dot: Titanic.
Hexadecimal: The Wizard of Oz.
Enzo: And all those great, bloody computer games!
[Everyone looks at Enzo.]
Enzo: What?
Bob: The point is, there's plenty of work to go around without you-know-who.
[A muffled sob comes from Ray's direction.]
Ray: [as his goggles begin to well with tears] Excuse me. I just... I think I need to go get some fresh air.
[Ray turns on his heel and runs from the room.]
Hexadecimal: [raising an eyebrow] What's wrong with him?
Mouse: He... Oh, I shouldn't be telling you this, but...
Megabyte: Go on.
Mouse: Look, you didn't hear it from me, but Ray's been having a pretty hard time finding work lately.
Matrix: But I thought he was doing all those Crocodile Hunter bits.
Mouse: Well, people just got bored of hearing him say "Danger, danger, danger!" or something. All I know is that the work dried up and Ray decided to do something drastic. He... he... No! I can't say it! It's too awful!
Dot: [putting a hand on Mouse's shoulder to steady her] Tell us, Mouse.
Mouse: Ray took a job in a crossover fic. A bad one. He was in "ReBoot meets The Facts of Life"!
[There is a stunned silence.]
AndrAIa: [wide-eyed] No!
Mouse: And that's not the worst part! He... He played Blair!
Dot: Dear sweet User! What was he thinking?
Bob: Everyone knows crossovers with 80's sitcoms can only end in tragedy! Didn't anyone tell him about the time Hack and Slash agreed to do cameos in that ALF fic?
[Hack and Slash shudder in unison.]
Hack: He was an awful, awful puppet...
Enzo: Alf was a puppet? But he looked so real!
[Everyone looks at Enzo.]
Enzo: What?
AndrAIa: [noticing a poster on the wall] Check this out-- she's come up with another new time scale!
Dot: Oh no...
Mouse: [reading from the time scale poster] "1 nano = 5 minutes; 300 minutes = 12.7 cycles; 4 cycles = 1 farthing; -5 farthings = 4 score; 6 score = 80 degrees Kelvin..."
Enzo: This is even more confusing than the time scale she made up where every third millisecond was a pumpkin.
Megabyte: Why are we putting up with any of this? We should walk.
Bob: We ought to stay and hear the poems. Maybe we can work out a compromise-- for Ray's sake.
Matrix: Sure, you can say that because you've never had to co-star with a sheep.
Bob: No, but I had to be swallowed by one. I think that's a little worse.
AndrAIa: Oh, he spit you right out. Don't be such a baby.
Bob: I'm not being a baby! I just think we should wait a little longer, that's all.
AndrAIa: Are you crying?
Bob: No, I... [sniffling and rubbing at his eye] It's an allergy.
AndrAIa: Uh-huh, sure. [under her breath] And people ask me why I chose Matrix out of this lot...

*~*~*~*~*

[Still in the conference room, but much later.]
Enzo: What's taking her so long to get here? I want to complain about the way I was grossly misportrayed as hyper in that script.
Matrix: It was ridiculous, the way she--
Enzo: [singing] This is boring, this is boring...
Matrix: Here. Take this sharp pencil. Go play.
Enzo: [running off with the pencil] Whee!
[MG is almost knocked over by Enzo as he runs out through the doorway.]
MG: What the-- ? Hey, watch it!
Megabyte: [smirking] It's his bit. Heh.
MG: Okay, poems for everyone. It wasn't easy to create this many in just 7.5 farthings, but luckily I was inspired.
[MG walks around giving each sprite, virus, and bot a piece of paper with a poem on it.]
MG: I think we should all get back to work as soon as possible. This strike is only hurting the binomes, you know.
[As MG approaches AndrAIa, the game sprite holds up a hand.]
AndrAIa: Hold on. If the phrase "fish stick" is anywhere in my poem, you can just keep walking.
MG: [crumpling AndrAIa's poem into a ball] Oops.
Dot: "Oops" nothing-- these poems are terrible!
Megabyte: "The credits reeled / Megabyte's fate was sealed..." I mean, really!
Mouse: My paper just says "Bob" about fifty times.
Bob: You think that's bad-- I didn't even get a poem!
[Everyone looks at Bob.]
Bob: What?
Hex: I like mine! "Peanut butter / Tuna fish / Eggs." I think you've captured the true me!
MG: Um... That's a grocery list. Your poem's on the other side.
Hex: Oh. [She flips the paper over.] Well, this side is the work of a hack.
Hack: [throwing his piece of paper in the trash] I'm not taking the blame for this!
MG: There's just no pleasing you people! [sighs] Where'd Enzo get to? He usually has pretty low standards.
Dot: [shouting] Enzo, come back in here a nano!
[Enzo runs into the room carrying a pair of scissors and making racecar noises.]
Enzo: Vroooom!
MG: Enzo, put those scissors down! I really wish you people would stop letting him play with sharp objects in the studio.
Phong: Safety goggles! That's what the line was! "I got Enzo a pair of safety goggles for his birthday."
Bob: Now he remembers his line.
Phong: And I suppose "Cyber-Skee-Ball" is what you consider a good ad-lib?
Bob: Hey, at least I tried to cover!
Hex: [flipping through a script titled "Enzo's Second First Birthday"] If you ask me, it was just bad dialogue to begin with.
MG: [yanking the script away from Hex] The point I was trying to make is that Enzo needs to be more careful. I really doubt my accident insurance covers fictional characters.
Dot: Excuse me?
Matrix: Fictional? What do you mean "fictional"?
MG: You know-- as in "not real." I assumed you knew. Why else did you think they call it "fanfic"?
Megabyte: Are you implying you just made us up?
MG: Not me, exactly. You see, the copyright on fan-based works is actually a very thorny legal issue. Some people believe--
Bob: WE ARE NOT FICTIONAL!
MG: You're sure of that?
[MG takes a key from her pocket, and uses it to unlock a black door at the end of the conference room.]
MG: [pointing to the door] Then go in there.
AndrAIa: The prop closet?
MG: [shaking her head and sighing] It's not really the prop closet. I just told you that so you wouldn't figure out what it actually is.
Hex: [rather disinterested] So what is it really?
MG: It's the door to the real world. If any of you fictional characters step through it, you'll cease to exist.
Mouse: I'm not sure I believe you... Wasn't that a Star Trek plot?
MG: I'm telling the truth. Just send someone through the door if you need proof, Sugah.
Mouse: Fine. But stop with the "Sugah" already. I am so over that.
Bob: So, who should we send?
[Everyone looks at Bob.]
Bob: Hey, you can't send me! I was here first! Send Enzo.
Dot: Well... we do have two of him.
Matrix: But where'd he go?
AndrAIa: Oh, he ran back out with a nail gun after author-girl told him to put down the scissors and be more careful.
Matrix: [mumbling] "Grossly misportrayed," my ASCII.
Megabyte: Then we're back to making Bob go through the door.
Hex: Good luck, Bob! If you don't die, be sure to write.
Bob: Hold it. If Enzo's not here, that doesn't mean I'm going. We'll just send whoever's been a cast member the next shortest amount of time.
[Ray reenters with a box of tissues.]
Ray: [sniffling] Did I miss anything?
[Bob glances around the room.]
Megabyte: Works for me.
Mouse: I wouldn't miss him that much.
Slash: I barely know the guy.
Bob: Alrighty then.
Ray: [confused] What? What's going on?
AndrAIa: Ray, we think we know just what you need to feel better.
Ray: A job in a Survivor II skit? Do I get a dramatic scene where I'm voted out of the tribe?
AndrAIa: Uh... Something like that.
Bob: We just want you to go into the prop closet, turn around, and come right back out.
Ray: How will that make me feel any better?
Bob: It's an old Mainframe tradition. For good luck.
[Bob elbows Dot in the side.]
Dot: Huh? Oh! Right. Mainframe tradition. We... stick together and all that.
Ray: [shrugging] If you say so.
[Ray opens the door and walks through. The door closes behind him.]
Bob: He'll be back.
MG: No, he won't. Just knock on the door to reality when you're ready to finish the birthday story, everyone. I'll be waiting.
[MG opens the door and walks through. It clicks locked behind her.]
Hex: If you ask me, a magic looking glass is more interesting than a magic door any cycle.
MG: [through the door] Nobody did ask you!
Bob: Huh. Reality's got good acoustics.

*~*~*~*~*

[Dot sits on a picnic blanket, reading a stack of papers. Bob stands behind her.]
Bob: Well?
Dot: I haven't finished reading it yet. And I won't if you keep reading over my shoulder.
[Bob steps away and begins pacing until Dot sets down the papers a few moments later.]
Dot: That's it? That's where the story stops?
Bob: I was having some trouble with the conclusion.
Dot: I can see why the ending wasn't easy to write-- the rest of it doesn't make much sense. I mean, first we're at a party...
Bob: Right.
Dot: Then we're on strike...
Bob: Uh-huh.
Dot: Then we don't exist?
Bob: Exactly! So what part's confusing you?
Dot: [sighing] You didn't have any sort of outline when you started writing, did you?
Bob: Does a napkin with a doodle of Megabyte in a null suit count?
Dot: No.
Bob: Oh. Then no, I didn't have an outline.
Dot: You need one. You could also use a grammar check-- you used "who" where you should have used "whom."
Bob: Okay, but what do you think, grammar aside?
[Dot pauses.]
Dot: Do you really think I act like that?
Bob: What do you mean?
Dot: Like that part where you wrote about me acting like a big jerk in the restaurant.
Bob: I told you, I was exaggerating for humorous effect.
Dot: Isn't it supposed to be humorous, then?
Bob: Don't take it personally. Just tell me what you thought of the story, and I'll fix your characterization later.
Dot: Well... It's certainly one of the more unusual "sprites meet the User" stories I've ever read.
Bob: So you liked it?
Dot: Er... it sure was unusual.
Bob: Oh.
[They are silent for a moment.]
Bob: So you really hated it, huh?
Dot: The way you kept completely changing directions was just so confusing. All the twists and turns kind of gave me a headache. Of course, that was also part of what made it so--
Bob: [finishing the sentence, disappointed] Unusual. Right. Why don't I just get it over with and burn the story already.
Dot: Don't be so dramatic! It just needs a little intensive revision-- I'll even help you edit it. Besides, [smiling] you know campfires aren't allowed in Wall Street.

*~*~*~*~*

Author's note: See? That was the plot twist! Because they're having a picnic in Wall Street sector instead of Floating Point Park for a change. Bet you didn't see that one coming!

*~*~*~*~*

Dot: Bob?
Bob: Yes?
Dot: Burn it. Burn the story. Now.

~END~

(back)

Written by MG and/or Bob from a minor glitch.
Inspired by ReBoot from Mainframe Entertainment.
Read by ReBoot geeks from who-knows-where!

[Bob and Dot are roasting webslugs over a campfire.]
Dot: Didn't you think it was the least bit egotistical to write yourself into the story in the first place?
Bob: Well, I--
Dot: And to write the User character with such an obvious crush on you? I mean, that was just weird.

*~*~*~*~*

[MG and Ray are sitting on overturned buckets in the prop closet.]
MG: I can't believe how much leftover green Jell-O I kept in storage! Some of it's still good-- or maybe that's slime mold. I'm not quite sure how to tell the difference...
Ray: So how long do we have to stay in here?
MG: I told you, just until your friends convince themselves of all that "fictional character" junk. That oughta make 'em go back to having the proper awe of and respect for me.
Ray: And then I get a starring role in an epic fic?
MG: Exactly. You can even have dead parents and an evil twin.
Ray: It's about time!

*~*~*~*~*

[Dot and Bob are walking home. Dot is carrying a picnic basket, and Bob is carrying a fire extinguisher.]
Dot: And why'd you write that long, pointless Author's Note at the beginning?
Bob: See, I-- [He scratches his head.] Well, it made sense at the time.

*~*~*~*~*

[Much later. MG and Ray are still sitting on buckets.]
Ray: Can we please leave? They must have all gone home by now.
MG: I guess it's safe to take a peek...
[Ray looks through the keyhole. Enzo runs by, carrying a handful of sharp knives.]
Ray: What was that?
MG: [shrugging] Running gag.

*~*~*~*~*

Dot: I meant you should burn all of it. Especially the puns.
Bob: Right. Sorry. Will do.